CELEBRATING OUR SIX YEAR ANNIVERSARY AND TALKING ABOUT SOME OF THE THINGS THAT WE HAVE LEARNED ALONG THE WAY AND SHARING SOME THINGS WE’VE DONE RIGHT AND WRONG.
Okay, this is a little out of the norm, but it’s my blog so I’m going for it.
Jordan and I celebrated our 6 year wedding anniversary Saturday. And by celebrated it, I mean he cooked me a steak, our toddler had chicken nuggets, and we all sat around the table as a family with Josiah propped up on top of the table in his little lounger pillow.
We weren’t alone. We weren’t on some exotic trip. We were home, with our two babies and finished the night off with an episode of The Office.When I look at this picture, I see two unsuspecting kids who had no idea what was to come their way in the next few years.
I had no clue we would have to try for a year and get a medical diagnosis of infertility before we had our precious Charlotte.I had no clue that we would have a miscarriage in 2016 and subsequently try for two years to have another baby, including more advanced medical interventions that didn’t work before we felt for sure our time to adopt was sooner than we expected.We were surrounded by some incredible people on our wedding day and we had the time of our lives, but there was no way of knowing what was coming for us; we’ve gotten to fully test “for better or for worse” multiple times over in this short span of life together.
I am by no means a relationship or marriage expert, but I just thought I’d share some realness and what I’ve learned over the past six years being married.
1. KEEP JESUS AT THE CENTER
This probably won’t come as a surprise to you since my husband is a pastor, but he wasn’t a pastor when we got married. I never dreamed I’d be married to a pastor. I mean ACTUALLY LITERALLY PHYSICALLY NEVER. But here we are. All I will say to this one is I don’t know how you do marriage without the Lord. I really don’t. It’s hard enough with Him. If you put him first, everything in your life flows out of that overflow, including your love and sacrifice for your spouse.
2. COMMUNICATION REALLY IS AS IMPORTANT AS EVERYONE TELLS YOU IT IS
You can’t expect someone to read your mind. For goodness sake, I can’t even read my own mind sometimes. It’s wild in here. But it is crucial that you communicate with your spouse. Can I be honest? Jordan and I have gotten this way wrong for a long time and we are RIGHT NOW in the process of trying to correct this. When you don’t communicate and when you aren’t vulnerable, walls go up that you don’t even know are going up and then eventually you have to work even harder to break them down. See what I mean? Here’s us….being awkward in front of a camera….because we are still learning to communicate.
3. LEARN HOW TO FIGHT
“so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.” Ephesians 5:27
Y’all. We fight. And we fight HARD. We are two very passionate people, but a lot of times, we are passionate about very different things. The key is to learn to slow down, listen, and keep short accounts. Your heart should be one of the passage above in that your spouse should feel better and more built up when they walk away from a fight than they did before it. Which is H A R D. If you learn to communicate along the way, though, when you do have disagreements, they can be resolved lovingly.
4. LOVE THEM THE WAY THEY NEED, NOT THE WAY YOU NEED
This was a pretty important lesson for me especially to learn. The way your spouse feels loved may be entirely different than the way you feel loved.
For example, I feel most loved when Jordan surprises me with something he has done, not a gift. Jordan on the other hand loves presents. Because he loves gifts, he’s extremely good at giving them. Me? Terrible. I’m like, “Hey. Here’s this toothbrush….cuz I know you need toothbrushes.” But his gifts are always very meaningful.
Exhibit A: This is what he got me for our anniversary this year:He just recently got home from Israel and so on the left is a leaf from an olive tree, the middle is a picture of the olive tree itself, and the right are my 2 olives. Before he gave it to me, he explained the significance of the olive tree and how I represent that to him. Cue tears.This is me reading a note he wrote me on our wedding day explaining why he gave me a nose ring and its significance. Again, cue tears.
But as meaningful as they are and as grateful as I am, it’s not what fills my tank up. What fills my tank is when I come home to a clean house, an empty dishwasher, or a project that I’ve been wanting to do done for me. He snuck and started our master bedroom reno which he shared in my Instagram stories while I was away on a trip and I came home and was SO HAPPY.
Find out how your partner needs to be loved and do accordingly.
5. HAVE FRIENDS THAT KEEP YOU ACCOUNTABLE
I can’t stress this enough. Have friends around you that refuse to let you throw your life (and marriage) away.I could do an entire post just on this point, but I’ll make my last one and get outta here.
6. HAVE FUN
If you’ve made it this far, ~*~internet hug~*~ to you. But really. Your spouse is supposed to be your best friend. Be spontaneous (if that’s your thing…it is not mine). Laugh a LOT. Have inside jokes. If you have kids, make your kids laugh. Have inside jokes with them. Regardless, I’m doing this life, its ups and downs, its betters and worses with the one the Lord has for me until death do us part.
Cheers to six years babe (if you’re reading this) (and if you’re not reading this, we might be fighting since you’re supposed to be my number one fan) and here’s to as many more as the Lord allows!
If you’re interested in how to get your own perfect marriage (HAHAHAHA) pin this image below: